Cookie Wisdom

As a kid, Cookie Monster was always my favourite one from Sesame Street because he had funny eyes and was such a messy eater XD

[Image from artisticstateofmind]

Let it Go

Ok, I know it is possibly one of the most overplayed song ever... but it's a little special to me.

Just to make it more interesting because it has been played so many, many times, here it is in Mandarin from the Taiwan version of Frozen. Beautifully sung by Shennio Lin, and with a translation of the lyrics that capture the feeling of the original the closest I feel, when compared with the Chinese Mandarin or the Cantonese versions.
I went to see Frozen whilst it was still in the cinema last year and heard Let it Go for the first time. When Elsa sings at that point in the movie, she's feeling very alone in the world and the lyrics are reflecting that. I found myself relating to them so much that when she's singing '..no rules for me, I'm free!' and starts running up the ice staircase she's just created, I was starting to well up.

Five years ago I decided to leave medicine, leave being a doctor, and I was really scared. I'd never imagined that I wouldn't be staying in it when I was going through medical school. Six years at university and two years of training later, I found myself hating what I'd thought would be my career. I saw how some others were so enthused by the stressful nature of the work, whereas I found it a struggle. And how some thrived in the competitive environment whereas I couldn't understand the need for a lot of the politics. I didn't feel like I belonged -  the way I am, the way I work, just didn't seem to fit in there. So when I had to decide what do to whilst waiting to get a specialty training post, I realised that actually I didn't want to pursue it anymore. My heart wasn't in it.

The most difficult part though was after I left. Looking back now, I was really quite low for a few months before and after the official last day. Was I depressed? I'm not sure, but I certainly had periods where I was very tearful, couldn't sleep or slept too much, and had episodes where I felt a horrible hopelessness. I was grieving, definitely, for having left something that I'd planned and based my life on for so long. I am a typical introvert in that I normally don't enjoy large group gatherings and often have to take a few days of being on my own to recharge after a spate of socialising. So for a while I found it particularly difficult to face parties and meet ups because inevitably I had to talk about what I was up to and then explain, and sometimes be asked to justify, my decision, often to people I hardly knew, when I hadn't even fully accepted it myself. I found it difficult when I got negative reactions where people thought I was making such a throwaway decision when it was anything but, and I could see they didn't understand how horrible the whole thing had been for me.

In truth I was judging myself. 'How could you just throw it away?' and 'But you've wasted those years at university!' were things that went around in my own head too. I wasn't sure if it was a brave or stupid decision. But my instinct was screaming for me to leave. Having been away from it for long enough and really enjoying what I'm doing now with my own thing, being my own boss, I am more sure that I made the right choice. It hasn't been easy and it is still difficult, but I am far, far happier now. There is this wonderful quote "You know you are on the right path when you become uninterested in looking back." which is exactly how I feel. I know a few others who left medicine for a career change and are much happier for it as well. I also know some who left but went back again. I know for sure that I don't want to go back to it.

So, back in that dark cinema last year, when Elsa was in the last verse, throwing her tiara away and singing "I'm never going back, the past is in the past!" I was a blubbering mess. But it was a happy mess. It felt quite cathartic. Everyone has their own interpretation of the song. For me, Let it Go is about self-acceptance and how powerful it is when you stop hating yourself for being you. It doesn't matter if others understand why I did it anymore, because I'm happy that I did.

I still can't sing the whole song without getting a tad emotional.

Etsy Mini

Ooh I like the new Etsy widget. Neat and concise. Very nice. This is my Etsy shop's Etsy Mini =D

A beautifully expressive short ballet

I keep saying this, but I just love discovering a new piece of artwork or music and artist or singer through randomly clicking on a link somewhere. Today this video of Sergei Polunin dancing to Andrew Hozier's 'Take me to church' was trending and I clicked to see why.


Wowee! I had heard of Polunin before, I think probably from coverage for when he unexpectedly left the Royal Ballet, but I hadn't seen his work. On just this performance in the video - I think he really is incredible. The power in his leaps and turning jumps is just awesome, and I love that you can see his emotions through his movements and in his body, particularly his face and his hands, as he interprets the music.

I love dance and ballet in particular. I love the discipline and the form - the training gives ballet dancers that elegance and poise and those very particular shapes and extended lines that are really pleasing to look at. The thing is though, I'm not actually so keen on classical ballets. Yes, they're very pretty, but maybe they're too pretty. I always feel they're dancing with masks on because they can't show their effort on their faces. And it can't be messy - it has to be very neat, and precise. I feel that, dance, at its simplest, is expression. Expression is messy; it's visceral and spontaneous. So I love this way of ballet dancing. The movements are not completely tidy, in fact I feel they're quite unrestrained, in that he's not censoring himself - he's not just aiming for a picture perfect pose but to actually describe a feeling.  Yet, you can still see that he is technically brilliant because he can execute those difficult, powerful moves and look absolutely exquisite as he hits those lines.  And it feels very raw and emotive because he's showing effort and emotion on his face. What an astounding dancer. All the more impressive because I know a little of how difficult it is!

Assassin's Creed

All right, a little fan-girl geeking out coming up. You have been warned.

I'd always known of the Assassin's Creed games, but had never played them or really known about them in depth.

And then a couple of years ago I came across this really cool video of parkour/free-running inspired by the Assassin's Creed game style.



I loved it! But still I didn't attempt to get the game itself at the time. There was no particular reason; I guess I've just never been a massive action game player.

And then last year I played the most recent Devil May Cry, DMC, and really liked it. My little sister and I started working our way backwards through that franchise over the summer and it got me playing games again (we played quite a bit of video games growing up - Pacman, Super Mario, Bomberman, Sonic, my favourite Ecco the Dolphin ^_^...)

Anyway, so Assassin's Creed Unity was launched just at the end of last year and the guys who did the original parkour video did another one with 4 people, to tie in with the new game's multi-player co-op capability.


Talking about how cool it was with my other sister's boyfriend over Christmas, he said he had Assassin's Creed Black Flag on his Xbox and let me have a go on it. I have to say I didn't get into it so much on first play because I found the gaming style quite complicated, the controls confused me somewhat. But I was on board now, and after finding Assassin's Creed II on special offer on Steam over New Year's (=D) I gave it another shot. And I'm really glad I did as I was very impressed with the whole world and back story that they've built up for it - warring factions, Templars and conspiracy theories, sci-fi crossed with historical drama! The intrigue! The sense of adventure! I'm a really clumsy assassin though; I keep walking into walls and falling off rooftops (unintentionally)... and my brain's inability to realise that it's not really me climbing up those high places is a bit of a problem (I'm scared of heights) but it's definitely a great game. I really like how detailed the locations and historical information are, it's almost like going on a virtual tour of the time periods the games are set in - currently I'm still rampaging through Renaissance Italy.

I also can't stop re-playing the cinematic trailer for Assassin's Creed Unity because I love the song - Lorde's smokey cover of 'Everybody wants to rule the world' - and the action is so brilliantly choreographed to every beat. Very neat.


Word is that the next one is to be set in Victorian England. That'll be interesting. But the one I really hope they develop is the short side game China Chronicles that they've already released. Not only would the backgrounds and graphics plus the martial arts influences that'd be in there be so awesome, the main selling point for me is that the assassin in that story is a woman!

The Drowned Man

Way, way back in January, one of my friends treated me to an evening out to see immersive theatre company Punchdrunk and the National Theatre's most recent offering, The Drowned Man. It was like nothing I'd ever seen before. Seriously. It was mind-blowingly awesome. I loved it so much I couldn't stop recommending it and took my sister and her boyfriend, and my youngest sister all to see it to make sure they didn't miss it. My youngest sister liked it so much we went back to see it again, just a few weeks before it finished its run. If it hadn't wrapped, I suspect we might have gone again. Yes it really was that good, and no, that is by far not the most times people have been.



The Drowned Man is set in a 1960s Hollywood film studio, Temple Pictures. Inside the studio where stars and starlets chase their dreams, two lovers struggle to make ends meet. Tragedy strikes when infidelity, scheming and betrayal drive them apart, leading one of them into ever increasing delusion and paranoia until eventually it ends in a horrific death. Strangely, a similar story unfolds in parallel outside the gates of the studio among the people of the town. Even more mysteriously, something happened to Temple Studios itself, which we are told was shut down overnight for an unknown reason...

Do you know Punchdrunk? They made their name through pioneering large scale immersive theatre where audience members are free to roam and interact with the sets, the story and the characters.

I'd been to an open air promenade play before (based on Lords and Ladies, the Discworld book by Sir Terry Pratchett) which was staged in a park and where the audience followed the actors around the various scenes as the story unfolded. But we were still only watching in the background. Punchdrunk's productions are truly immersive. They convert huge disused buildings into unbelievably detailed sets and you are allowed to go wherever you want as the actors enact the story around you. There's no right or wrong way to go about it, you choose what you want to do and see. Though, 'seeing' doesn't describe the complete sensation, it's more 'experiencing'. You don't just watch as a passive audience, you have to work for it by choosing what to do. Very often you have to chase after the characters (up and down stairs, through narrow corridors, across forests and deserts...) as they go about their business. You can stand right next to the actors in a fight, sit at their desks, eavesdrop on intimate conversations, read a note they've read, look through cabinets, walk into their homes, riffle through their belongings... the amazing sets, the sounds, the smells, the music, the lighting, and the actors, all catapult you into the world that the story creates. It is as if you are watching from inside the story, beside the characters. It's like a live-action computer game. There are some rules though - all audience members have to wear a mask, talking is not allowed, and you are encouraged to explore on your own. A lot of it is practically in the dark, with only strategic lighting to guide you through the huge maze of rooms and sets. The more you search, the more secrets you uncover. And if you are very brave (and very lucky), you might find yourself rewarded with a special interaction.

For The Drowned Man, four floors of an old postal sorting warehouse was converted into Temple Studios and its town. The scale and detail of the sets were just incredible. To give you an idea of the sheer size, it played host to around 40 cast and 600 audience members at full capacity, with lots of space still left over. There was a working cinema inside. Yes really! You could have gotten lost in there. Each show ran for three hours but that was still not enough to see everything. You could easily have spent it just exploring the sets and rummaging through the details. And if you decided to follow the characters, there were multiple story lines happening simultaneously all over the four floors and it was impossible to follow everything. My friend and I missed a whole floor on the first visit and even after seeing it three times I hadn't followed every character.

The story itself is inspired by Woyzeck, a fractured, unfinished play by George Buchner, about a soldier who is driven crazy by his lover's affair and ends up killing her. It also draws on ideas from other works including short story The Sandman, and novels The Day of the Locust and Something Wicked This Way Comes. To quote Punchdrunk's own description, Temple Studios is a place where '...celluloid fantasy clings to desperate realism and certainty dissolves into a hallucinatory world' as we '..[follow] its protagonists along the precipice between illusion and reality.'

For me, it very much gave a sense of the dark underbelly of the Hollywood dream - voyeurism, exploitation, obsession and corruption. I loved the air of menace that ran through the whole story, the allusions to the malevolent and the supernatural that played with the mind and made everyone very jumpy. I loved how, as the audience, we wandered around this world in eerie white masks as if we were ghosts - we could see the characters but they couldn't see us (or could they...?). The freedom to roam everywhere and be so close to everything completely blurred the fourth wall and, in a crazily beautiful way, brought full circle the very idea of fantasy/reality that was being played out.

I also loved that each person's experience was completely unique to them - only I saw everything the way that I saw it, even though we were all watching the same thing. And because of the story-within-a-story, multiple layered nature of the game that we were playing, we could all be seeing a different layer of the story depending on how deeply we were looking for hidden clues and trying to unravel the secrets. Oh how things clicked into place when reading spoilers afterwards.

I can't wait to see more of Punchdrunk's work. I'd first become aware of them a few years ago when they turned railway arches at Waterloo station into the setting of an immersive play for the launch of a sci-fi horror game for one of the big consoles (found out too late, didn't see it T_T). Their Sleep No More, which has located the story of Macbeth inside a 1930s hotel, is currently running in New York. Will they bring that back over to the UK? Or will their next production be something completely new? I wait with bated breath! Here is Punchdrunk's founder, the genius that is Felix Barrett, to tell you a bit more:


PS. All the scenes you see in the trailers are from the actual sets that were on location.